With Love to Billy

So often in my dreams you hold me in your arms... as we dance to Moon River, just like the last time. The lights were low, but there was love all around us... each of us knowing soon our men would be gone - gone to war. We held each other just a little closer, knowing we might never hold each other this way again... and for some of us, our worst nightmare would come true. As a soldier's wife the realization of life alone always lingered in the back of my mind... I just never thought it would happen to us - how could it, we were too much in love.

Dear God, I cried, please don't let this be true, not me, not my Billy, not us! but I knew from the ache in my heart you would never hold me again... not in this lifetime... only in my dreams. From our first date, I knew I never wanted to live without you, our future was so bright, and we were so young - a lifetime of happiness ahead of us. First, a son bound us even closer, and then a daughter as our love became ever stronger. You called us your 'little family', your 'perfect little family', and we dreamed of the years to come and even more babies... because you said we made such 'pretty babies' we were destined to have more.

We dreamt of paradise... and our dreams came true! We were off to Hawaii, and our little A-frame on Sunset Beach where I woke up each morning with you by my side, wanting to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming. Then came that morning in September when we parted - you held me so close I could barely breathe, as you whispered, 'I love you more than life itself'... and then you were gone... forever.

I felt my heart break... the pain so real - and I no longer wanted to pinch myself, I knew it was true... you were gone, and your 'little family' would have to go without you... without your strong arms to lift our son in the air, your gentle hands to cuddle our daughter... your tender kisses as we soared to the moon. Now, we would have to live without you in our lives, but always with the love you left in my heart.

Such a long time ago, but the tears still run down my cheeks... you are as real to me today as you were then... and you always have been. Our dream ended far too soon and often I waken, reaching for you, only to find emptiness... emptiness in our bed... emptiness in my heart. As the years have slowly passed, I am not afraid, for now it will not be long until we meet again... and we will dance on the clouds of heaven... among the stars... the moon so close we can reach out and touch it... for a love such as ours will never end... but continue into eternity.

Lots of Love
18 September 2008

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Music Playing: "Moon River" by Mantovani

"Fantasy © Josephine Wall

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Especially for More Than Life Itself by Diane Sanfilippo